August 2024: A Refamulating Summer
How I spent my summer vacation (constantly refamulating!)
I went to Florida and all I got was 30 new family members
It’s August, and the Refamulating team is in the thick of summer vacation. We’ve all been traveling a lot, spending time with loved ones, and also starting work on season 2!
I just got back from Florida, where my partner Brit and I go every year for a family vacation with his parents, siblings and a whole mess of non-blood related family.
The trip started years ago with Brit’s original family (parents, siblings, nieces/nephews) and has since ballooned to more than 30 people. Some of the non-blood related guests include: a friend who lived with Brit’s parents when he came out years ago and wasn’t immediately accepted by his own family. An Army buddy of Brit’s brother in law. Brit’s friends from Nashville who were invited as his guests 8 years ago and have been invited back ever since.
When I attended my first trip three years ago, I immediately felt welcomed by the group. Brit’s dad even said if we broke up they’d still invite me (and he might be serious).
That’s the ethos of this beach trip. It doesn’t matter if you have years of history with the Naylors or this is your first time- like Olive Garden, if you’re here, you’re family. Everyone is included in the family photos. We all take turns cooking meals for the group. And no one is safe from the insults when we’re playing Nertz.
This beach trip is more than a family reunion, it’s a celebration of finding love and support in all corners of your life.
So as I unpack and shake the sand out of my clothes, I’m grateful for this bonus family I’ve been welcomed into. These people support me (some of them are probably reading this newsletter right now), accept me and have made space for me in their village. It’s what I hope all of us can find- a community filled with love, DNA not required.
xo,
Claire McInerny
Join us for the second ReFamily Dinner on August 8th!
The ReFamily Dinner is our monthly, virtual event that brings together the Refamulating team and other refamulators. Last month we had our first event, and we LOVED getting to meet you all and hear about your own refamulating experiences!
This month’s event will feature an interview with two women creating a new family. Joanna emailed us to share how she is going from a heterosexual, closed marriage to…..not that. Here’s part of the email she sent us:
“My best friend’s marriage is falling apart because she had an affair…with me. And now she’s moving in with me and my husband and we’re exploring an open marriage.”
Joanna and her best friend/girlfriend will join us to talk about how they’re reshaping their families and the ups and downs of venturing into non-monogamy.
It’s free to attend, so sign up here!
The Monthly Round Up
Every month we share books, movies, podcasts and articles we’ve found while working on this show. We think these resources may help some of you as you navigate your own refamulating journeys. Share your own recommendations with us in the comments or on Instagram!
BOOK: I’m Mostly Here To Enjoy Myself by Glynnis MacNicol
This month I read this DELICIOUS memoir by Glynnis MacNicol, an author and writer who has written a lot about being single and child-free in her 40s. The book is a memoir of the month she spent in Paris after the COVID lockdowns and how this trip reintroduced her to pleasure. She spends the month exploring the city with a group of other single, child-free women- her chosen family. Like her other book, No One Tells You This, Glynnis writes a lot about how her single and child-free life, including how other people react to it:
“What really irks this woman, I’ve come to realize, is that I appear to be enjoying myself. I have veered off the narrow path laid out for women to be successful in the world, and it turns out I’m fine. Sometimes better, sometimes worse, but mostly fine. I mentioned this to Nina once and she understood immediately: ‘We’re an attack on the value system of certain people.’ As if my enjoyment undermines the hard work they have devoted to staying on that path. And worse, calls into question the rewards that path offers. If I don’t feel bad about my life, how can they feel good?”
Glynnis MacNicol in I’m Mostly Here To Enjoy Myself
recommended by Claire
Article: Meet The Friends Buying Houses Together via TIME
In my heart of hearts, I’m someone who longs to live more communally, and I spend a lot of time dreaming about how life might feel more lively and connected if I lived in closer proximity to my closest friends. So I was psyched when our friends at the Modern Family Institute shared some great resources with us on the topic, including this article about co-housing called Buying Homes With Friends. Unsurprisingly, while there are many advantages to a scenario like this, there are also many obstacles that prevent it from being an obvious choice. Lots to unpack here. Get ready to dive deeper into this topic in season 2!
recommended by Julia
ARTICLE: A Practical Guide to Modern Polyamory via The Cut
As we’ve started working on Season 2 of the podcast, we’ve had a lot of discussions about polyamory, throuples and other non-monogamous ways to be in a relationship (ex: juicy interview at this month’s ReFamily Dinner). This article from The Cut has been a great resource in the types of non-monogamy, what terms to use and how real couples communicated with each other about changing their relationship.
recommended by Claire
Yay!! We love the whole Refamulating team! Claire, you are an incredible addition to our family and we love you so much! 🧡