December 2024: Navigating Family This Holiday Season
Does the holiday season make you feel gloomy? We got you.
As I write this it’s December 1 and I’m trying to embrace the holiday vibes. I’m sitting in my living room next to my glowing Christmas tree. I set up my ceramic Christmas village on my mantle and I started a Spotify playlist of holiday ~vibes~.
Also…my holiday to do list is already scrolling in my brain like CNN ticker tape.
I have to come up with gift ideas, Brit and I need to plan a 12 hour-long road trip for later this month and I have plenty of work to do before the end of the year when everyone goes MIA.
But I feel incredibly grateful, because already this is one of the less stressful holiday seasons I’ve had. I just had a lovely visit with my family for Thanksgiving, which isn’t how I’ve always described family time. In different chapters of my life, I felt stressed, disappointed and tired after spending time with family.
Those are feelings I know many of us feel. If that’s you this year, please know that you’re not alone.
This month at Refamulating, we are holding space for any of you who have big feelings about family this time of year (and the lyrics to Defying Gravity).
Last week, we published an episode about Emily, who is estranged from her family and had to re-define family in light of that. It’s an extreme example of family dysfunction, but something too many people deal with.
Tomorrow, we’re hosting a virtual event with therapist Whitney Goodman about how to navigate dysfunctional family dynamics (more on that below). Bring your questions about navigating political differences, boundaries, difficult people, and anything else plaguing your family relationships. (You’ll also meet other people in the same boat!)
And as Nora McInerny (our queen overlord at Feelings and Co) wrote in her Substack this week, holidays are optional. If certain traditions make you sad, skip them! Spend time with people who make you feel relaxed. Do whatever you need to do to get to January.
Sending you all a big hug (and a mug of hot chocolate).
xo,
Claire
Join us TOMORROW for a discussion on family dysfunction!
Each month we host a Refamily Dinner, a virtual event to build community and learn about a refamulating topic together.
This month, therapist and podcaster Whitney Goodman will share advice for anyone dealing with family dysfunction, challenging family dynamics, boundary issues, or political differences. Bring your questions!
Whitney runs the popular Instagram account @sitwithwhit, the online community Calling Home, and hosts the Calling Home podcast, which all help people have healthier relationships with their adult family members.
(To get a feel for Whitney’s work, I highly recommend this episode she published last week about how to mentally prepare for holiday gatherings with family.)
The event is Tuesday, December 3 from 8-9:30 p.m. EST on Zoom.
The Monthly Round-Up
Every month we share books, movies, podcasts and articles we’ve found while working on the podcast. We think these resources may help some of you as you navigate your own refamulating journeys. Share your own recommendations with us in the comments or on Instagram!
An IVF mix-up, a shocking discovery, and an unbearable choice via NYT Magazine
I had multiple people send this to me this story with some version of “this is the most refamulating story!” And oh boy were they right. This is a SHOCKING story about two families who went to the same IVF clinic, and doctors mistakenly implanted the other family’s embryo in each mother. The mothers carried, gave birth to and started raising another family’s biological child. When they finally discovered the truth, the four adults made gut wrenching, emotional and brave choices.
Breaking Up With Your Parents via Today Explained
In this podcast episode, Today Explained talks about estrangement from two points of view. One is an adult child who cut ties with her mother, and a father who was estranged from his daughter for a few years. The interview with the father was striking because he was able to get back on speaking terms with his child and was able to articulate what he would do differently.
Listen To This Before Thanksgiving via Calling Home
I mentioned it above but this episode of Calling Home from Whitney Goodman deserves it’s own review. Whitney offers a pep talk to anyone feeling stressed before a family visit this month. A simple reminder that still blew my mind is the holidays are supposed to be enjoyable. So if any feelings of obligation or resentment are bubbling up, Whitney has some tough love and good tips for still checking in with ourselves.
Thanks I really needed that